Valentine's Day 2006

<3 Thinking about love today <3

"And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud." ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer~

"Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen.
This balance has weighed out our heart's desire,
I'm trying to make it alone.
Well it's not like it hurts that much anyway." ~The Academy Is~

"I can't stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
But for three whole years to end like this
You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just dont seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define So let's cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
I've just got to get myself over me" ~The Format~

"After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more
Than you'll ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go" ~Lifehouse"

"Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you...
I am afraid" ~Kelly Clarkson~

So this might sound sad and bitter and lonely and depressed...and some parts of me are feeling that way today, but the overwhelming feeling is hope, because I'm finally letting myself feel everything, good or bad, and just experience it, not fix it or analyze it or lie to myself about it. And THAT, my friends, feels amazing.

36 hours

I'm leaving soon to live my dream and follow my heart...but I'm leaving a few pieces behind in this city filled with most of my memories, and so many amazing friends. You guys are the best, and I know that when I see you again things will be just as good as they always were. I'm not worried. Gonna miss you alot though...

"I wish the world was flat like the old days, and we could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes or speedtrains or freeways, there'd be no distance that could hold us back." ~Death Cab For Cutie~

It's Official

I found my Dublin coffee shop.

Basically, I never quite feel at home in a city (or a new part of town when I was in Charlotte) until I find the coffee shop that fits me perfectly. In Charlotte, it was whichever Starbucks was closest, then later Dilworth coffee house, and of course Barnes and Noble :) In Belfast it was any coffee house on my favorite street, Botanic Avenue. I didn't really have a favorite, all of them were good.

The toughest coffee shop to find was in Derry. I never really felt like Derry was my home, and to be honest, never liked the city that much, although I met alot of great people there. But i finally found a coffee shop called "The Streat." Everyone there was friendly, they had free refills on filter coffee, and eventually I got offered a job there...two weeks before i moved to Dublin. Oh well.

Anyway, the place in Dublin is called "Phresh", and as soon as I walked in, I knew it was the one (haha). All the girls who work in there are so friendly, and the Scottish woman is tall, and happy, and sings along with whatever's on the radio (this morning it was 'Come Together'). they make smoothies, sandwiches, and what a relief, really good coffee. Oh, and it's right around the corner from my office.

Life is good.

the Irish Sea and my financial weaknesses

I know...two completely different subjects, but both have been on my mind this weekend. The first because I finally got to dip my toes in and enjoy the long-awaited sunshine. I decided to take a day-trip to Howth on Saturday. I had been longing to get out of the city and explore the coast a bit, and when I saw an ad on the train saying 'Howth is Magic' I believed it and immediately planned to go there.

So I got up reasonably early on Saturday and the weather was perfect. When I arrived I found that Howth is a small fishing town on a peninsula with gorgeous views of the Irish Sea. I walked long the harbour and looked out to sea. The smell of salt and fish and summer was indeed, magical. There was a tiny little lighthouse, remarkably clear water, and to my surprise, a seal coming up for a breather in the harbour!

Next, (and this is where financial weaknesses come in) I walked into town and what immediately caught my eye was not a jewelry store or an expensive boutique filled with gifts or clothes or shoes...it was in fact a sign for a book sale in the old (tiny) courthouse. Well, let me to tell you, my mama raised me to love books and to love a sale, so I headed inside. Of course I found two somewhat large books that I simply had to have, and for fear that someone might snatch them up, I bought them and carried them in my bag the entire day.

All in all it was a beautiful day, I got to walk along the beach, wade in the water, relax, and explore. I love summer!

randomness

Last night I spent time with a dear friend catching up and falling right back into our beautiful friendship. She has a very unique way of making me laugh and think and enjoy life. Last night she was telling me about a friend and said something to the effect of:
"He's never known what it's like to just suck at life. And everyone needs to experience that!"
And I laughed long and loud about that one because it is so very true. I always say that I reccomend getting your heart broken, and I say it for that very reason; everyone needs to know what it feels like to be broken and lonely and vulnerable, because those are the times when you are forced into the rawness and realness of being a perfectly imperfect human.

it’s a bloggy day

Mostly I feel like blogging for the usual reasons I feel like writing stuff down...I'm feeling overly emotional and not that fabulous today, so why not write a blog?

First off, I wish I was feeling good today, and don't really know why I'm not...it's almost autumn, the weather is cool and breezy (which I love), and I am settled for awhile with a decent job, a great apartment, and a wonderful man. But we all have our off days...so I guess this is one of mine.

Anyway, I'm ready for things to settle down a little bit. The fun and newness of things is starting to wear off, and I'm missing my family and friends. I don't like having a million and one little things that I need to do, and it's draining.

Also, I finished a really good book today, (The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society) and somehow finishing a good book with lovable characters always makes me a bit sad.

On the upside...I have furniture...and pots and pans...and a toilet brush...and rugs...and all kinds of things that grown-ups should have when they have their first grown-up home. It's pretty cool, even if it is a little scary. But for now I just kinda feel like I'm playing house, which was one of my favorite activities growing up, so now I get to do it for real...kinda a dream come true in a silly way :)

Ok, I feel a bit better now. Time for coffee : )

ode to my hoodie

In preparation for Thanksgiving, I want to thank the universe and by extension, my "little" brother Davey for what has been my favorite piece of clothing for the past 4 years. In good times and in bad, my bright kelly green American Eagle fleece hoodie has stood by me and kept me snuggly and warm. It's green color lifts my mood, it's soft fleeciness makes me feel like I'm wrapped in a hug, and it's big front pocket keeps me fingers toasty and my keys/wallet/money/lipsmacker/phone/whatever-else-I-can-think-to-put-in-there safe. My hoodie is not too warm and not too cold...Goldilocks would love it...it's just right. And of course, whenever I wear it I think of my best friend in the world (my afore-mentioned brother Davey) who gave it to me as a Christmas present nearly 4 years ago. I picked it out and he got an employee discount on it, but these facts in no way diminish my love for my hoodie (or Davey of course).

Just thought I'd share <3